You really coming over, don't trick.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
