I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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