hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
