my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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