I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize