I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
