dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
