maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
