I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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