Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
