I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
