so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Did you pee in the oven last night??
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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