ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
