blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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