I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
