I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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