took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
