make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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