Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
