I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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