I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
