My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
