Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
