I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
