Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
