Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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