My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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