Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
