my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
