So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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