Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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