so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
