i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I think I am morally bankrupt
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
