So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We have so much sex to catch up on
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
