Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
