I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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