I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
