I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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