I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
