My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize