HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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