I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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