I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
