Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
