Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
