i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Pooping to opera.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
