They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
