I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
