I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
