Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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