We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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