TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
