we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
