I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize