Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
