I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
