I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The air was thick with penises
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
