i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I am one with the molecules
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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