I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
