I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
