did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
