plz talk dirty to me
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
