I feel like abortions should bother me more
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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