ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
