In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
