we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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