Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
it's like iHOP with fire
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
