I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
as a side note pls kill me
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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