we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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