I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
someone owes me an orgasm
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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