i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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