I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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