UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize