Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
