So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
