matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
