I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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