Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
