i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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