My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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