Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
