my mouth tastes like poor choices
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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