made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize