Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
