Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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