chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
