I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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