let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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