can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
