I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
