Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
