we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
