Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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