1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
