we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
