Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
