Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
