He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My ass is underappreciated
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
