She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just had sex on a roof
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
