i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
this will be a night to untag.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize