I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
