haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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