U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize