If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
