right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
