If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize