Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
