somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
